Some people can turn up in your like and change you, others can reappear and knock you for 6. In my life there was, is, and probably always will be one who keeps turning up and affecting me. Her name is Jenni and she is a drug I never got out of my system.
We met in about 2001 and she was the girlfriend of one of my closest friends. She was sweet but a bit misterious. I can remember saying to her she was the best thing to happen to my friend, although I never thought of her in a sexual way until 2 years later.
It was near the end of my relationship with the firery redhead and she was no longer with my close friend but still remained friends with the group. I had one of my many proximity infatuations, something that tends to happen alot with me. We had become good friends and i knew my girlfriend thought of her as a threat.
When i had split up with my girlfriend Jenni remained close, helped me through my regrets and pain and let me get on with my rebounds. She didn’t want to be a rebound herself. I can remember going for drinks with her one week night and she asked me what i was going to do next. Not realising she had feelings for me i said “i think i want to be single for a while”. Shortly after that she went off to uni, although we chatted often on the phone.
A couple of weeks past and i had met the young blondeand things took off. I told Jenni during a telephone call that i had met someone and was really happy and then she made her excuses and hung up on me. I later found out she was devestated and sat on the stairs in her uni house in tears.
A few months past and we barely talked over the phone. I then found out she was not doing well at uni and was planning on leaving to come home. Not being filled in on the full story i just figured it was too hard for her, i always underestimated her. On her return I invited her over to watch a dvd and have a catch up.
The next morning i felt ashamed, i had tried it on with a good friend while i was seing someone else. Luckily she was a strong enough person not to have sex with me but we had still done things! I had that night found out that she had and still did like me and as i am a very imorral person i wanted whatever i could get.
In the end my girlfriend found out, i can’t remember how but she did like to read my messages quite often, and this lead to a huge row at a friends wedding – classy! I managed to weasle my way into pointing all the blame at Jenni and that was it, for a while.
About a year later i met up with her again, we sparked just like before and i thought to myself i will do the right thing this time. I split up with the blonde and started a relationship with Jenni. This lasted about 2 weeks!
The blonde did not want to let me go and seduced me not knowing i was already seing someone else. For about 2 weeks i had the two of them on the go until they figured it out. Like an absolute coward i went back to the blonde and once again hung Jenni out to dry.
Almost 2 years later and i met Jenni again at a mutual friend’s birthday. I was going out with the sweet girl and this time had no intention of fucking either of them over – but as i am not only imorral but clearly evil that is exactly what i did.
I went for a few drinks with her and we decided we had both grown up alot since last we met. I once again split up with my current girlfriend and started seing Jenni. Now at this time i can’t quite remember the order of the chain of events that took place but it goes something like this:
- We were happy
- I met a girl at work who was hot
- I was fucking my ex
- I kissed the girl from work
- Jenni found out about the girl from work
- Jenni told me she was pregnant
- Jenni found out about the ex
God i hate myself for what i have done. I ruined too many peoples feelings and lives. It was a horrible time for me, i had so many different things on my plate at once and i coped quite well suprisingly.
This was one of the 3 biggest turning points in my life and definately made me stronger and more thoughtful. I had many arguements with Jenni mainly because of her meddling friends, but i can honestly say i did the right thing. I made it clear that dispite what had happened between me and her i would always be there for our child and even though we would not be together my child would always come first.
Unfortunately Jenni had a miscarriage, and i quite often think about how if things had been different……
Following that i was there for her and we did have one or two good times after that (including a funny sex mark on her parents wall) before making a break from one anothers lives. I have kept in vague contact with her but there will never be another chance for us, just the occasional meeting when we are out.
I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that no-one deserves happiness more than Jenni and the sweet girl i messed around. I wish them both amazing lives and am so sorry for all the pain i caused them both.